Your Standards Aren’t Too High, Your Boundaries are Too Low

The Myth of “Too Picky”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told: “Maybe your standards are too high, babe. Maybe that’s why you’re still single.”

Now raise your other hand if you’ve ever thought, “Wait… am I the problem? Am I asking for too much?”

Spoiler alert: No, you’re not asking for too much. You’re just asking the wrong people. And if you keep lowering the bar just so Chad-with-a-complex doesn’t feel “intimidated,” then yes - you’ll keep attracting relationships that make you question your sanity instead of building your empire.

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: it’s not that your standards are “too high.” It’s that your boundaries are paper-thin, inconsistent, or straight-up nonexistent. Standards define what you want. Boundaries protect those standards. Without boundaries, standards are just cute wish lists you scribble on napkins between dating app disasters.

So let’s unpack the savage truth: how to raise your boundaries, enforce them like a royalty, and stop confusing “being high maintenance” with “having self-respect.”

Standards vs. Boundaries: Know the Damn Difference

• Standards = what you expect. (Ex: “I want a partner who communicates openly.”)

• Boundaries = what you will or won’t tolerate. (Ex: “If you ghost me for 3 days, I’m not entertaining your comeback tour.”)

Here’s where most people mess up: they have sky-high standards (“I want someone emotionally intelligent, ambitious, kind, hot, and loyal”)… but their boundaries are softer than overcooked pasta.

That’s why you end up in situationships with people who can’t text you back but somehow still “deserve another chance.”

Your standards are valid. But without boundaries, you’re basically leaving your emotional house unlocked with a neon sign that says: “Toxic freeloaders welcome.”

The Dirty Truth About Why You Keep Settling

Let’s get brutally honest. Why do you keep dropping your standards? Why do you give second, third, and twenty-seventh chances? Why do you teach people they can disrespect you and still get access to your time, body, and energy?

Because:

1. Fear of rejection - You’d rather keep someone half-invested than risk being alone.

2. Validation junkie - You confuse breadcrumbs with love, because at least someone wants you.

3. Avoidance - Holding boundaries feels uncomfortable, so you fold.

4. The “fixer” delusion - You see their potential and date that instead of reality.

Tough love moment: every time you bend your boundaries, you’re co-signing your own heartbreak. You’re not unlucky - you’re unboundaried.

How Weak Boundaries Show Up in Dating (AKA Your Red Flags)

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying one of these lines, congratulations - you’ve got a boundary problem, not a standards problem:

• “He cancels last-minute a lot, but he’s busy…”

• “She’s not ready for commitment yet, but maybe if I wait it out…”

• “They just need to heal first, and then they’ll choose me.”

• “At least they come back after ghosting - it means they care, right?”

• “I don’t want to seem too demanding.”

Here’s the translation: I know what I want, but I’m too scared to enforce it.

Boundaries = Love Filters (And Yours Are Broken)

Think of boundaries as a bouncer at the door of Club You.

• With no boundaries, it’s free entry for anyone with a pulse and questionable intentions.

• With weak boundaries, the bouncer is half-asleep, waving in the chaos.

• With strong boundaries, the velvet rope is up, the list is curated, and only people aligned with your standards get in.

Boundaries don’t push people away. They filter out the wrong ones so the right ones actually have room to stay.

How to Actually Build Boundaries Without Feeling Like a B*tch

Let’s make this practical, because “set boundaries” sounds great until you’re sweating over the send button on a text.

1. Get Clear on Your Standards

Write them down. Non-negotiables only. (Hint: “tall” is a preference, not a standard.)

Examples: honesty, communication, consistency, shared values, respect.

2. Translate Standards into Boundaries

Ask: What does this look like in real behavior?

• Standard: “I want consistency.”

• Boundary: “If you disappear for days without explanation, you lose access to me.”

• Standard: “I want respect.”

• Boundary: “If you raise your voice, insult me, or mock my feelings, I disengage.”

3. Enforce Them in Real Time

Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t enforce them. The first time someone crosses a line, speak up. The second time, take action.

Pro tip: you don’t need an essay. A simple:

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

• “I don’t accept being spoken to like that.”

• “I’m not available for this kind of inconsistency.”

Short. Clear. Zero over-explaining.

4. Expect Resistance (and Hold the Line)

People who benefited from your lack of boundaries will resist when you start holding them. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong - it means you’re growing. If someone bails the second you enforce a boundary? Good. They just saved you time.

5. Practice in Small Steps

Boundaries are like muscles. You don’t start with a 200-pound deadlift. Practice with low-stakes situations:

• Say no to plans you don’t want.

• Speak up when the barista gets your order wrong.

• Stop apologising for having preferences.

Build your reps, then level up to dating boundaries.

Common Boundary Myths (And Why They’re BS)

• “Boundaries are selfish.”

Nope. Boundaries are self-respect. They show others how to treat you.

• “If I set boundaries, I’ll push people away.”

Correction: you’ll push the wrong people away. The right people won’t flinch.

• “Boundaries = walls.”

Walls block everyone. Boundaries filter for alignment.

• “If they really loved me, I wouldn’t need boundaries.”

Even healthy relationships need boundaries. Love without boundaries = chaos.

The Dating Glow-Up: Standards + Boundaries in Action

Let’s picture two versions of you on a date.

Version A (No Boundaries):

They are 25 minutes late. You laugh it off, even though you’re annoyed. They check their phone all night. You tell yourself, They’re just busy with work. At the end, they say, “Let’s hang out again sometime,” and disappear for a week. When they text “Hey stranger 😉” at 11 PM, you reply.

Version B (Boundaried AF):

They are 25 minutes late. You say, “Hey, I value punctuality - if you’re running late, just a heads-up text would be nice.” They check their phone. You pause: “If you’d rather text than be here, we can reschedule.” At the end, when they disappear for a week and slide in with “Hey stranger 😉,” you don’t reply. End of story.

Guess which version attracts high-quality partners?

Boundaries = Magnetic Energy

Here’s the spiritual cherry on top: boundaries raise your energetic frequency.

People who respect themselves radiate confidence. They don’t chase, beg, or over-explain. They attract people who meet them where they are.

Boundaries aren’t just practical - they’re magnetic. They’re what transform you from “desperate for attention” to “that person who feels like a damn standard themselves.”

Stop Apologising for Wanting More

Stop letting dusty exes, clueless friends, or your own inner critic gaslight you into believing your standards are too high. They’re not. You’re just overdue to upgrade your boundaries.

Because here’s the truth:

✨ Your standards are sacred.

✨ Your boundaries are the guardrails.

✨ And together, they don’t make you “too much.” They make you unavailable for less.

Let’s Build Your Boundary Blueprint

Tired of repeating the same dating patterns? Sick of breadcrumb situationships that go nowhere? Done apologising for wanting more?

🔥 It’s time to raise your boundaries, step into secure love, and finally date with clarity and confidence.

👉 Book your 1:1 coaching call today - and let’s rewrite your dating story from “Why do I always attract the wrong ones?” to “Damn right I’m chosen, respected, and loved the way I deserve.”

Because your standards aren’t the problem, babe. Your boundaries are the glow-up.